Resolved


I'm a little late to the game for sharing New Year's resolutions. In the past, I've chosen simple things that I've always meant to do, but never quite got around to it, and focused on those; sending birthday cards to all family members before their birthdays, for example. Light, easy. This year, so many are choosing a single word to inform how they want to inhabit the forthcoming trip around the sun. I thought this was a wonderful idea, but have had a really hard time distilling my hopes for the upcoming year down to a single expression. This past year has been a challenging one for me. Not in big ways. I've been incredibly blessed to not have lost anyone I love dearly. We have a warm home, food on the table, and security. I don't take these things lightly at all and am grateful for them every day. But as much as I try to keep the positive in the forefront of my mind, it's all too easy to let those niggling little doubts and disappointments bubble to the surface. Trying to adjust to Silas' ever-changing needs while still maintaining a sense of self. Trying to find motivation. Trying to embrace the moment as it is without constantly trying to change and control. Feeling alone, lost, and frustrated. These are my challenges. 

When I made my pot of afternoon tea recently my tea bag presented me with the word I had been seeking. Renew. To take up again. To restore and replenish. To revive. To become once again new. This is the word I hope to carry with me as I go through the days, each one so very much like all the others, of 2013. I hope to recommit to the base values that set me on my path. To remember kindness, simplicity, and honesty. To make each day count and to fill it completely. I embrace this effort in the abstract, as it applies to my attitude, but also in very concrete ways. I'm working on a list of actions I hope to take and I will share it here soon. By not allowing those intentions to stay hidden in my notebook, but instead speaking them aloud, I hope to keep myself accountable.

While I was pregnant and shortly after Silas' birth I was surrounded by a community of natural mamas. We met weekly with our newborn babes and it was amazing. The solidarity. The support. The potlucks. In the past two years our individual circumstances have changed and we no longer get together regularly. Some mamas went back to work. Some moved away. It's time for a little community-building. As a very shy person, this is tough for me. I've never made friends easily. But when I put the request out there, it was clear that there were definitely other mamas out there who are looking for the same things that I am and are walking the same path. It's so much easier and enjoyable if we can walk it together. This is the first thing on my list. What else will be on there? Food, most definitely. Our abundance of "stuff" and simplicity. More making and doing. I hope that 2013 will be a wonderful year of renewal. And I have no doubt that it can be.

6 comments:

  1. what a lovely post. Good luck with your goal!

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  2. What a beautiful post - I can relate to so much of this! Happy 2013 and me be full of happy renewals :)

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  3. A beautiful word for the year ahead. Enjoy!

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  4. Good luck! Lots of great goals!

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  5. I think it will be a great year of renewal Courtney. I hope you are able to get together with other mama's and have that friendship that develops from shared interests.

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  6. being a mama can be a very lonely business and personally i just don't believe it was meant to be that way. a community of mama friends is a must in my book. makes the journey so much easier.

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