There is still so much that has gone unmentioned! Thirty days really isn't enough to contain all that I'm grateful for and I guess, ultimately, my goal wasn't to enumerate every single blessing. It's so easy for me to get wrapped up in the drama or the frustration of the moment that I need to practice pausing, breathing, releasing those negatives and letting my mind be filled with the positives, both small and large. That can be a really challenging thing to do sometimes. All those emotions that I'm ultimately ashamed that I feel--self-righteousness, judgment, unnecessary worry, anxiety, anger--are also the ones that I find so easy to slip into. That smug satisfaction we feel when we prove someone wrong (or the like) is so tempting, isn't it? But, it's such a waste of time and time is not something that I have an abundance of, really. Silas will be two in a couple months and I'm not really sure how that happened. Whether I'm ready for it or not, time keeps soldiering on and I would so much rather enjoy the ride than be grumpy because I'm focusing on what I don't have rather than on what I do.
So, on this final day of November, I am most grateful for the community, both my in-person community and that which we've created here, that has inspired me so much to dig in and do the hard work of trying to be a better person, trying to see the good that lives in the heart of each individual, and trying to project only those qualities that are worth the effort to cultivate. I'm grateful for love, for patience and for kindness. I'm grateful for seeing the bigger picture. I'm grateful for making mistakes and having the opportunity to try again. I'm grateful for forgiveness, from others and of myself. I'm grateful for reflection and warmth and generosity. I'm grateful that I've felt the lack of all these things so that I know how truly wonderful they are. I'm grateful for letting go and I'm really grateful for Silas. It is through him that I've learned most of these lessons and because of him that I've realized just how important they are.