I Am Not My Car


Steve spent most of yesterday doing all of the running around that is necessitated when one buys and sells a vehicle. We traded in his car and got a new (to us) mode of transport with a little more room. After a bit of musical cars, mine will become the commuter vehicle that Steve takes to work and I'll drive "The Wagon" (as I've dubbed it -- just now). Previously, no one could sit in my passenger seat because it had to be pushed all the way up to the dash to make room for the car seat in the back. So, this is a good thing. All around. And yet, I felt prickly and anxious all day yesterday. Have I mentioned that I don't like change?

Steve had his car for 12 years. It's what he drove up to my door when we first met and what he picked me up in during our courtship. Seeing that green Jetta pull into the driveway triggers a Pavlovian response in me. It means Steve is home and that is happiness. But, there's so much more to it. That snapshot image -- Steve in his car -- is like a song that makes my chest tighten because it makes me remember the old friends and laughter of a specific time and place. In so many ways "Steve" has equaled "Jetta" in my mind and letting that go has filled me with such sadness.

I keep reminding myself that we are not our possessions and all the happiness and memories of the past are still with me. The only thing I've lost is that one physical reminder of them. Isn't it funny how much importance we can place on the "stuff" in our life? I am guilty of this all the time. I get teary-eyed over old family heirlooms and am an avid thrifter, collecting all sorts of "stuff." Like everything else, it's all about balance, I suppose. And every once in awhile we have to make room in our life for the new by passing along the old.

7 comments:

  1. I have trouble trading cars, too. No matter how you clean it out, a part of you will always be in that car! I once traded a sort of sporty red car for a more practical 4 door mom car, and the dealer's mom drove mine. I always smiled when I saw her go by! She drove it for years and years...

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  2. Oh! I have a 25 year old mini van that I refuse to get rid of. We bought it used, but it's the car I taxied my boys around in; took on family vacations and will eventually take them to college. Thank goodness it's a very reliable car.

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  3. I am the opposite, it is a car, it gets us from A to B. I remember my first car, but not because of the car, but because of the things I did with it, the memories, and they are still with me even though the car is long gone.

    My husband does have a little bit more difficulty getting rid of cars though :)

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  4. We have a silver Honda minivan, which we bought from my very best friend, who moved with her entire family to Australia! I miss her dearly, but think about her every time I sit in the driver's seat.

    It'll be no time before you make memories in your new set of wheels.

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  5. Just remember all the memories as that... memories. Time to make some new ones, and I'm sure with time you'll feel at ease when he pulls in inside the new vehicle. He is your peace... not the ride he came in. :)
    (But, just to keep things real here~ I have a hard time with change, too. "I might just want that for our grandkids"... HA!)

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  6. Funny - we're in the midst of replacing one of our cars that we've had for 10 years that we bought soon after we got married. There are lots of memories wrapped up in that car for me, too. I have that same struggle with remembering that I can still have the memories even without the thing itself. Simple concept, hard to remember!

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  7. Your post made me think about my treasured memories, Courtney. Sometimes, people tend to hold on to everything that has to do with things with sentimental value. Trading cars is certainly a sign of letting go of those things that we've been clinging on for no practical reason. :)

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