Weekending


This weekend was filled with familiar routines. Porridge and French toast. Trips to the recycling center and grocery store. Mopping and vacuuming. Laughing and cuddling. It was also filled with much partner reassurance. I've been struggling lately with a lack of an ability to define myself. I have the words: mother, wife, friend, creative soul, student of life...but I lack a clear understanding of what exactly those words mean. This is something that has always weighed heavily on my mind, but I thought that motherhood would bring with it sharper focus of who I am and why I'm here. In some ways, it has. But it's been far less neatly packaged than I hoped. So, I'm just trying to be open. To receive. To embrace the good that is present in my days and to release the rest with the hope that the answers that I need will make themselves apparent. Because it is really good. All of it. I just need to remember it.

Linking up with Amanda at The Habit of Being.

6 comments:

  1. What you are thinking is normal and you can define yourself what ever way makes you happy. I tried to recycle today but the center was closed :/ So tomorrow I will go again.

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  2. A struggle for many of us! And a struggle that may be harder for those of us at home, because being a SAHM can be isolating. While I would never trade these years I've had at home for anything, I am looking forward to getting back into "the world." I wish had some wise words of wisdom! Searching is a GOOD thing!

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  3. i struggled with that in the early years. don't push it, peace will come and you'll find the word/words won't mean much. you're doing something amazing and self-sacrificing.

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  4. I have to agree with the other comments Courtney, we have all gone through this and still are too. I have to tell you that who you are changes as you grow older, as life changes, as children grow, as new members enter the family, ect. Just enjoy each day, each stage...this is what life is!

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  5. Courtney, I also felt that way when Finn was younger... sometimes it seemed that being a mama wasn't "enough", like I still needed something more to define me. Shortly before Finn turned 1, I found my current job... as part of the struggle to figure out who I was and 'what' I was doing. And, I love my job and am usually very glad to have it... However, now, when I really define myself, the mothering portion is so much more important than anything else in my life. I know these days when my children are young are going to go by way too fast as it is, and usually I am happy to be "just" a mama (the hardest and most important job on the planet!).

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  6. I just wanted to add my voice, because your words sound so familiar to me! Motherhood has not been what I imagined it would be for me - from the start I've had to readjust and try to keep up, and a lot of the time I have felt muddled and unclear about who exactly I am... I know my roles, but who am *I*? My boys turn 5 tomorrow, and over the past few months as they have really become so much older I think some space has opened up for me and these questions have been on my mind a lot. I know every mom's journey is different, in timing, meaning, specifics, but I know I always feel reassured and encouraged when I hear that I'm not the only one who doesn't have it all figured out! Best wishes to you in your journey, and in being present in your days!

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