SAHM


I've always assumed the question "what do stay at home moms do all day?" was a tad on the offensive side; implying that they don't really do anything. But, it's a question that I've been sincerely asking lately. So much of my time is taken up with caring for Silas, but on the rare days that he actually goes down for a nap or in the time that Steve is being a Daddy I find I just don't know what to do with myself. After I rush to complete the everyday stuff--dishes, laundry, feeding the animals, etc.--I find myself burning my time in front of the computer because I just don't know what else to do.

I've been a student for so long. Almost nine of my thirteen adult years actually. My "job" has always been to read and to write. I'm really good at those things; I can write an A+ essay in my sleep. But caring for a home? I'm not exactly sure how to do that. Having been a renter for most of my adult life, moving almost every year, meant that the shower and the oven got scrubbed once; on move-out day. Even though we've been in our house for three years now, I'm still not sure what goes into the daily/weekly/monthly care of a home. I mean, I know what goes into it. I know that there are plenty of things that I could/should be doing. But is my job as a SAHM really just a constant repetition of tidying and cleaning?

I suppose like anything, it is what you make of it. I'm pretty sure that I'm approaching this new role in much the same way as I've approached motherhood...with too much self-doubt. I need to instead focus on how fortunate I am to have the opportunity to stay home with my baby boy while he's little. And maybe I need to allow myself to revel in the fact that my days are my own. Maybe it's the fact that I report to no one that has me feeling so uncomfortable, that I lack a "boss" to tell me what to do. I need to take ownership of myself, my time, and how I spend it and trust that the choices I make are good ones. The only people to whom I have to offer any justifications are myself and my partner. That could, just maybe, be a wonderful thing. 

5 comments:

  1. Have you checked out the blog "Down to Earth"? I find her outlook on being a SAHM very interesting. While some of her views may be alittle outdated (in my opinion) she has some really good direction on the different roles the SAHM has. As you mentioned, the day is your own and you'll fall into a routine that works for you, I'm sure! Best wishes!

    ReplyDelete
  2. @Jennifer: How funny that you mention "Down to Earth"! I was a daily reader of that blog for a long time, but stopped when she took a little blog break awhile ago. I was thinking recently about some of her posts about homemaking, but couldn't remember the name of the blog. Thanks for jogging my memory!
    -Courtney

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. As someone who would love to be a SAHM someday, I'm glad to read about your experience.

    ReplyDelete
  4. @Allsion: Don't get me wrong...I love being a SAHM and I know how fortunate I am to have the opportunity to do it. It's just been challenging in ways that I didn't anticipate! :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I feel your pain. As a SAHCM (stay-at-home cat mom :), I have way more free time than you do, and no excuse not to clean now. While Tory is out planting crops and tending his garden and chickens and building barn doors and whatever else he's doing, I'm kind of stuck in the house. I can no longer justify NOT doing all the housework like I did in our last house for six years while I was working full-time (and he was working less than full-time). I'd assumed I'd get into it with a conscious, monk-like joy for the repetitive motions of cleansing, but I have that moment every morning where I stare at the dishes and think, "Ugh, unloading the dishwasher AGAIN?!" because I can no longer hide from it! Still, the freedom of a life without work (even WITH cleaning) is to me much more fulfilling than working. I think if I were you, though, raising a small child, I'd just hire a maid. :)

    ReplyDelete